Are You More Like Your Mother or Father?

Today’s blog is based on the premise that we all have taken actions in our lives to be like, or not like, our parent(s).  This may immediately turn you off to the point that you no longer are interested in this article.  However, I would ask you to withhold judgment until after reading the full blog.  There just may be something in here that would resonate with you to a degree that will allow you to become more fully self-expressed.

Consider that at some point in your life, you made a decision that was something to the affect of: “I will not be like my mother.  She’s manipulative and controlling.” or “I’m going to be just like my mother when I grow up.  She’s self-assured and unafraid to stand up for herself.”  And those are just statements about your maternal parent!  The same thing happens with the father in a two-parent home.  A person will decide to be like his father, or not like his father.  Do you see the irony in this?

If you made a decision to be just like your mother, then your words, actions, and emotions are given to you by “being your mother.”  If you made a decision to not be like your mother, then your words, actions, and emotions are given to you by “not being your mother.”  I’m certain now that the irony wasn’t lost on you.  You can plainly see that regardless of which path you chose, your words, actions, and emotions are given to you by your mother.  I would never presuppose that all of your actions, words, or emotions are given to you by “being your mother” or by “not being your mother.”  There are a variety of other sources whom you may have copied along the way because you liked who you saw them being.

The same is true of your father.  You made a conscious decision (although it may be buried in the subconscious for some) to be “like your father” or to “not be like your father.”  Therefore, the personality of your adolescent and teen years were shaped and blended by you:
a) being your mother OR not being your mother
AND
b) being your father OR not being your father.
Isn’t that great news?!!?

Ok, I can hear imaginary groans from some readers at that last remark.  However, I do think it is good news and here’s why:

We human beings have the unique power to choose our attitudes, our emotions, our speech, our actions, and our personalities, just like we have the power to put on clothes.  I know that may sound simplistic but I use that analogy because it conveys an ease to it rather than struggle.  And our lives do not have to be about struggle!  Along our lives’ paths, we have picked personality traits that we saw and liked in others and we said to ourselves, “I’m going to be like that.”  Or, we saw personality traits in others that we had an extreme dislike for and we said, “I’m not going to be like that.”

Although we all came “pre-programmed” with a basic personality, we shaped and molded what we had been given to be the outward representation of who we are (and how we feel about ourselves) on the inside.  So why is that good news?  It’s good news because, if you chose to be a certain way, you can now choose to put aside that same way of being if it no longer works for you.  As we grow in knowledge and skills, we find that we no longer need to have certain ways of being that we previously chose for ourselves – possibly as coping mechanisms.  Regardless of the reason, once you see that you have a personality trait that isn’t producing the results that you desire in your life (or that’s getting in the way of you getting those results), you can choose to set that personality trait aside, just as easily as you initially chose to pick it up and put it on.

That’s not to say that you’ll never have to deal with that personality trait again.  We have learned patterns or ways of being that are deeply engrained.  Therefore, once we decide to make a change, it will take several days of working in the newly desired trait before it is engrained on top of the old one, essentially taking the previous trait's place.  So, until that happens, you have a choice in every situation where that old pattern starts to show up.  You can give way to the old trait or you can choose to only allow the new behavior.  Whatever you choose, know that it is your choice and your actions, behavior, and speech are not given to you by another – but they are only given by you.

Now that’s empowerment!

Copyright ©2009.  All rights reserved.

Why Planning is Tied to Success

Welcome to October 2009!  Today I was reviewing the remaining months until the end of the year and what I have scheduled to do and what I need to do.  That year-end deadline is just looming ahead and making me more aware than ever of how necessary it is for me to plan my days, weeks, and months as well as my month-end and year-end goals.

According to several “success gurus,” planning is one of the most important tools used by those who continually achieve their goals.  Of course, one has to start with goal setting.  And after setting your goals for the year and month(s), those goals need to be broken down into specific tasks that you must complete by specific time-lines in order to meet the goals by your decided-upon deadlines.

In his book, “The 10 Natural Laws of Successful Time and Life Management,” author Hyrum W. Smith (founder and former CEO of the then, Franklin Quest Co.), writes about SMART goals.  He defines SMART goals as those that are:

Specific   Measurable   Action-Oriented    Realistic and    Timely.

He also writes that, “an unwritten goal is merely a wish.  Writing the goal [with the above mentioned attributes attached] forces you to be specific.  If a goal is not specific, you will have a hard time knowing whether or not you’ve reached it.”

For me, I have learned over the years that I accomplish more in a day if I have previously planned my activities for that day.  Of course there are some things that I plan well in advance and other things that occur every day or on the same day/time of every week.  My practice is simply to sit down at the computer at the end of each day and enter into my calendar program each task that I need to accomplish for the following day, giving it the proper amount of time required.

I then organize those “appointment/tasks” into their overall order of importance and schedule them for the times throughout the day when I believe I will be able to work on each to complete them.  I enter notes into each task/appointment of any of the things I need to complete that task including looking up addresses of where I need to go, directions, and things I need to complete prior to the appointment/task

Then, I sync my smart-phone up to my calendar program so that I have my planned list of to-do’s with me.  My reminder on my phone will prompt me of the next planned event as the time nears.  (Before I had a smart-phone, I would simply print out that day’s calendar to carry with me to meetings, etc.)

That’s my simple system for keeping things in existence for myself.  Besides writing down your daily goals, you must implement some sort of system that will keep those goals in existence for you.  Once something goes out of existence for you, you are sure to not complete that task.  That’s why many people feel like they are always playing catch-up – because they don’t keep their schedules in existence for themselves.

Lastly, I gather up anything that I will need to complete my next-day goals.  I don’t move quickly in the morning so I’m much more effective if I get things together in the evening before going to bed.  I’ll pack my gym bag, get directions, paperwork/forms, coupons, or whatever it is I will need to complete my next day goals, and have them ready to go at a moments notice.

Although goal setting is one of the most important steps to achieving your desires, I would encourage you to, above all, allow for surprises to occur during your day.  Look for spontaneity and other things that might require schedule negotiation but will fill your life with love and rich rewards.  Remember, you may not always schedule in a call with a cherished friend or loved-one but that call may be the thing that completely makes your day worth your investment.

Copyright ©2009.  All rights reserved.