A Thanksgiving Full of Thankfulness

It’s become many family’s tradition to have each person sitting at the Thanksgiving dinner table tell everyone in attendance for what they are grateful.  My family, too, honors this tradition although I’ve not had the privilege of spending Thanksgiving with them for many years.

In my younger years I, of course, had little regard for this tradition.  As a child, when food was set before me I was ready to eat!  Now my understanding of this practice gives me a much greater appreciation for its value in my life and in the lives of others.

The good folks at the Institute of HeartMath® have been working for many years to understand the power of emotion contained within the heart, the heart/brain entrainment, and the physiological ramifications of the heart’s emotional content.  As part of their findings, they’ve been able to produce conclusive evidence that we can shift ourselves from the feelings of stress and other negative feelings/emotions entirely by getting into our “heart space” and operating from one of the following four places for a period of three minutes: (1) Love (2) Appreciation (3) Gratitude OR (4) Compassion.  Getting into this space provides a shift in our being, no matter the circumstances surrounding our lives currently.  But this is no easy task – I assure you!  I’m able to easily produce these feelings for 30-45 seconds but my attention starts to wane or I begin to feel like I’ve exhausted my list of things for which I’m grateful.

One of the great things about this exercise is that it causes you to dig deep.  You’ll quickly run out of the surface things within the first minute.  The remainder or time causes you to really examine what you love, what you’re appreciative of, what you’re grateful for, or where in your life you have compassion.

To shift your being, you don’t need to pick one of the above items only.  You can move down into your heart and begin to exercise all four of the above feelings – you just need to stay in one or a combination of the four attributes for a period of three minutes in order to shift who you are being in the moment.

This technology is so effective that it’s now being used by major corporations to train their managers how to make effective decisions.  Rather than a manager going to a meeting where he is expected to make a decision just after having received a phone call or e-mail with negative considerations about that thing, these managers are learning to make decisions based on their hearts rather than their heads – and it’s having outstanding success.

I employ this technology when I get a phone call from someone who is having a stressful day or is feeling overwhelmed by what they have to do.  I simply ask them to tell me for what they are grateful.  They begin to tell me and when the finish, I ask them to tell me for what else they are grateful.  I continue this line of questioning, either with the same attribute or a combination of any/all of the above four attributes until I’ve helped that person get into his/her heart and produce love-filled emotion for three minutes.  Most people don’t even recognize that this is what I’m doing.  They simply know that they feel entirely better after that conversation and they are free of stress and clear of mind to take whatever their next steps are.

I’m providing this link to the “De-Stress Kit for the Changing Times” as posted on the HeartMath® website.  Give yourself the gift of reading this thirteen-page article today.  It will be the best preparation you could give yourself for this Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season.  With this preparation, you’ll be aptly prepared to face whatever stress might come your way.

Happy Thanksgiving!  May you be blessed with the gifts of thankfulness and gratitude for that which you have.

[End of Post]

Copyright ©2009.  All rights reserved.

Falling In Love With Yourself

Welcome to the first day of September 2009!    This year seems to be flying by quickly.   And now that school is back in session, the summer seems a blur.   With all of the events we’ve encountered this year, I thought today’s blog should be about something we could all use more of – and that is the love of ourselves.

Have you ever considered that you fall in love with others, partially, as a manifestation of falling in love with yourself?    This isn’t yet a belief that I’ve fully established but more of a working notion.    I can imagine that some of you may have readily dismissed this notion thinking that there are so many things about your spouse or partner that you now don’t like.   Let me explain.

I believe that what we ultimately enjoy about others is what they bring out in us.   In other words, I love being around people who bring out the things in me that I love.   I love to laugh and have fun.   And I love to be around people who bring that out in me.   We usually say that “so-and-so” is a fun person to be around.   But, have you ever stopped to think that it is you who is fun when “so-and-so” is around?   Yes, it might be true that he is a fun person.   But, I believe you’ll also find it true that you are equally fun when you are around him.

I’ve found it to be true for me that what I dislike in others are the same things that I dislike about myself.   I tried for years to hide that from my own view so that I wouldn’t have to face it.   But, just as that is true for me, so is the opposite.   I find that what I like in others are the things that I like in me.   The things that I admire others for are also qualities that I possess.   You may not readily see this for yourself.   We’re funny creatures that way – in that we don’t often like to see the good in ourselves.   We’re typically very critical of ourselves and yet go to great lengths to defend our thoughts and actions to others!   It seems paradoxical to me.   But, if you don’t see that the qualities you admire in others are actually qualities you possess, I would challenge you to consider that simply as a possibility.   Just consider the possibility that this is the way it is rather than just dismissing it.   And then look for yourself to see if it is true or not.

I might even go one step further and say that you can only admire in others what you also have in yourself.   And, I’ll assert that if you didn’t have those admirable qualities, you wouldn’t notice them in others.   We can really only see in others what we see in ourselves – both the things that we admire and the things that we detest.   It’s not that others don’t possess other attributes.   But, we generally reflect others to others, just as they reflect us to us.

It might be true that another is freer in a certain area than you.   Or, that another is more demonstrative of a certain attribute than you.   But, that doesn’t mean that those attributes are not in you.   They just may not be as exercised as they are by someone else.

You see, any attribute you have must be exercised just like a muscle.   In order to develop in any area – joy, love, happiness, peace – you must exercise that muscle in order to more fully develop your level of adeptness.   Practicing being joyful will allow you to have fuller and fuller expressions of joy.   Surrounding yourself with people who bring that quality out in you will also exercise that muscle.

What attributes of your character do you love?   Which ones do you want to display more?   You can have more laughter in your life but it will take practice.   And, it will take surrounding yourself with people who share that same quality with you and bring it out in you.

Consider the possibility of falling in love with yourself again.   As a child, you loved yourself fully without consideration.   Consider now, the possibility of setting aside any considerations or concerns you have about any lack of character you think you may have.   Can you give up those concerns?   Is that a possibility for you?   If so, give them up.   Allow yourself to love yourself freely once more.   Learn to embrace yourself fully for who you are and what you have to offer the world.

Fear

That which we fear will most definitely come upon us. 

When we live in fear, we are exhibiting a form of resistance - - resistance to love, resistance to God.  But we are also resisting the fear of the thing that we fear.

Remember, the universal law that resistance causes persistence?  That is precisely what is in effect here.  Rather than resisting fear, or resisting the fear of a thing, notice your feelings and notice your thoughts when you are feeling fear.  The thing you fear is simply a pattern of thoughts being replayed from the past.  Notice that you have fear.  Notice everything that comes up for you around this fear. 

Another thing to notice about fear is that it is at the root of everything that stops us.  When you feel you can’t ask someone for help, fear is at the root.  Maybe you fear looking bad in that person’s eyes.  Or, maybe you have a fear of not looking good.  Maybe your fear is of someone saying “no.”  Is “no” so harmful?  When you get a “no” from someone, don’t you have exactly what you had before you asked?  Look closely and you will see that nothing has changed for you except now you are left with whatever meaning that you assign to that “no.”  If “no” means rejection to you, then you aren’t simply letting “no” mean “no.”  Fear is at the root.

Getting past fear isn’t always easy.  You first must accept what is so about the situation.  You need to look closely to understand where your fear is coming from.  You need to determine if there is more than one source of fear and get real with yourself rather than making up stories or justifications about why the fear is present.  You must stop hiding your true feelings from yourself if you’re going to get out of fear and into a place that empowers you!

There are two types of fear – authentic and inauthentic.  Authentic fear is in play when you are being faced with real danger.  As an example, you’re out walking by yourself and you have ended up in an unknown area of the city.  It’s dark and you see a stranger approaching you with a gun in his hand.  The type of fear you will be feeling is authentic fear.  You are authentically in danger.  There is something that is happening right now that is placing your life in danger.

Inauthentic fear doesn’t feel any differently to the body.  The feelings you experience may be the same.  But when inauthentic fear is present, you are in no real danger.  For example, you are at work and you have been feeling pressured by your boss to perform at a higher rate.  You have been fired from jobs before.  The economy is rough, jobs are scarce, and you are feeling the fear of losing your job, the fear of not being able to feed your family, and the fear of not looking good in the eyes of your fellow employees, your friends, and your family.  This fear is real.  But it’s inauthentic.  It’s all based on something you believe might happen in your future – not something that is happening right now.

Do you see the difference?

In order to get past the fear and into a place of power, you must get real with yourself about why the fear is present.  Determine if the fear is authentic or inauthentic.  If the fear is inauthentic, just distinguish it for what it is – the fear of something that you’ve determined could happen in your future.  Then, make the conscious choice to replace the fear with love, with trust, and with peace.  You can allow yourself to love and trust that everything will be alright just as easily as you allow yourself to have fear.  It’s simply a matter of choosing to believe different thoughts.

Don’t be fooled by your bodily sensations.  The same feelings you feel when you first fall in love are the same bodily sensations you have when you are afraid of something; butterflies in the stomach, lack of appetite, nervousness, sweaty palms.  The bodily sensations are the same but the value, or assignment of meaning that we give to them differ greatly.  Don’t be swayed by what you feel in your body.  Choose love and faith over fear and you will be able to walk successfully in peace.

Acceptance

I wanted to write my blog today on the art of acceptance. And, I’m going to use the term, “acceptance,” a bit differently from how we normally think of it – but no differently from its actual definition.

Using the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, we see that acceptance is defined as: "1: an agreeing either expressly or by conduct to the act or offer of another so that a contract is concluded and the parties become legally bound 2: the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable 3: the act of accepting.” I’m going to use acceptance mostly in terms of the 3rd definition above (and somewhat from the 2nd definition), and not use the 1st definition as it defines acceptance in contractual instances.

So, in this blog, we will use acceptance as simply, “the quality or state of being accepted or acceptable” and “the act of accepting.”


What Acceptance Is

Acceptance is the beginning of love. Why? Because in order to accept another, love must first be present for you. Most of us don’t live that way. We generally and easily accept others who are like us – that is to say, who are like-minded (e.g. who think like us and see the world as we do). But that isn’t really acceptance. That’s simply agreement. It’s easy to accept another when you agree with their philosophies. It’s a more challenging thing to accept others when you don’t agree with them.

Some believe that when they don’t agree, love should tolerate others. No, no one wants to be simply tolerated. We all long to be accepted. And, love doesn’t tolerate. “It [love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” – 1 Cor. 13:7 (NIV)

But why, if acceptance is the beginning of love, is it not love? Acceptance only goes as far as you are willing to go. Once the acceptance of another ends, your love for that person also ends. In my eyes, acceptance has a symbiotic relationship with unconditional love. One cannot be present without the other.

What Acceptance Isn’t

Here is where we get rid of the old misinterpretations of acceptance.

Acceptance isn’t: agreeing with another person, condoning the actions or speech of another, or even giving another unrestricted access to you and your time. Acceptance isn’t giving another full-reign to walk all over you. Acceptance isn’t allowing others to take advantage of you. And, acceptance isn’t doing something for another simply because you see a need present.

My definition of acceptance is: “accepting another exactly as he is, and exactly as he isn’t.” Acceptance doesn’t require another person to change in order for that person to receive your love. Acceptance doesn’t require another to live by your rules and standards in order to receive love – that’s the definition of “conditional love.” And, conditional love, is at the root of all codependency.

Just as I’ve written the last several days, this is your choice and I’m not going to judge you for the choices you make. My job is to accept and love you exactly as you are, and exactly as you aren’t. Just understand that there are consequences to all of your actions. If you choose to accept another, there are consequences. And, if you choose not to accept another, there are consequences. Those consequences may be positive, negative, or both. You must make your own decisions about accepting others and be prepared to live with the consequences of your choices.

Your Faith Works by Love

If you aren’t seeing results with your use of the Law of Attraction, you may need to check to see where your heart is. The Law of Faith requires that the Law of Love be actively in use in order for your faith to work. Galatians 5:6 (AMP) tells us that: “….only faith activated and energized and expressed and working through love” is of value to us.

So, what is the Law of Love? You may find it of interest that when the Law of Attraction was first discovered, many actually referred to it as the Law of Love. The forerunners of this knowledge knew that if they operated in love, their faith would work. They knew that if they walked in love with their neighbors, the Laws of Sowing & Reaping and Giving & Receiving would also work.

In the New Testament, Jesus ushered in by his teachings, a new covenant with man. He said that this covenant would replace the old covenant (the teachings of the Old Testament). Many believers still adhere to the Ten Commandments as given to Moses by God. However, Jesus told us that under the new covenant, all of the law would be fulfilled in one law – the Law of Love. Matthew 22:37–40 (CEV) reads:

Jesus answered: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. 38This is the first and most important commandment. 39The second most important commandment is like this one. And it is, "Love others as much as you love yourself." 40All the Law of Moses and the Books of the Prophets are based on these two commandments.

Later in the New Testament, Paul summarized these two laws into one when he wrote his letter to the Christians in southern Galatia. In Galatians 5:14 (NIV), Paul wrote, “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

If you have hatred or fear in your heart, you cannot be operating in the Law of Love. Hatred, jealousy, envy, and fear will hinder the ability of your faith to work. You can believe that good things will come your way, but if you are putting out bad energy by way of these negative feelings, your faith will not work no matter how hard you try.

Work on actively giving up any negative feelings you have about others. Release your jealousy and envy and be genuinely happy for others’ good fortunes. Be a beacon of love to everyone you come into contact with and your faith will flourish, manifesting the desires of your heart.